Intimate Partner Violence
Trauma-informed support for people affected by control, coercion, fear, or abuse within a current or former intimate relationship, available in person in Saint John and Woodstock and virtually across New Brunswick.
Intimate Partner Violence Doesn't Always Look The Same
Intimate partner violence is not limited to physical assault. It can include patterns of control, intimidation, coercion, isolation, monitoring, financial restriction, sexual pressure, threats, or emotional abuse within a current or former relationship.
Sometimes these behaviours are obvious. Other times, they develop gradually or are mixed with affection, apologies, and periods when the relationship feels safe, making it difficult to recognize or name what is happening.
There is No "Right" Way to Respond
People respond to abuse in many different ways. You may feel afraid, angry, ashamed, confused, numb, or constantly on alert. You might minimize what is happening, blame yourself, try to prevent conflict, or feel uncertain about whether your experiences “count” as abuse.
Leaving is not always simple or immediately safe. Financial concerns, children, housing, immigration status, isolation, hope for change, fear of retaliation, or love for your partner can all affect your choices. Whatever decisions you have made to survive, you deserve support that respects your pace, safety, and autonomy.
You do not have to leave a relationship, or be ready to make a particular decision, to speak with a therapist.
How Intimate Partner Violence Can Affect You
Living with control, fear, or unpredictability can affect far more than the relationship itself. The effects may continue even after the relationship has ended.
Thoughts & Emotions
✓ Questioning your memory, judgment, or perception
✓ Feeling fear, shame, guilt, anger, or sadness
✓ Constantly anticipating another person’s reaction
✓ Blaming yourself or struggling to trust your decisions
Body & Nervous System
✓ Feeling tense, watchful, or easily startled
✓ Sleep difficulties, exhaustion, or nightmares
✓ Feeling numb, disconnected, or emotionally overwhelmed
✓ Headaches, digestive concerns, pain, or other stress responses
Relationship & Intimacy
✓ Difficulty trusting others or feeling safe in relationships
✓ Fear of conflict, rejection, or disappointing someone
✓ Discomfort with closeness, affection, touch, or sexual intimacy
✓ Isolation from friends, family, or other sources of support
Everyday Life
✓ Difficulty concentrating at work, school, or home
✓ Financial, housing, parenting, or legal stress
✓ Changing routines to avoid conflict or feel safer
✓ Ongoing fear, monitoring, or unwanted contact after separation
When A Relationship No Longer Feels Safe
Disagreements and difficult periods can happen in any relationship. Intimate partner violence is different: it involves behaviours that create fear, restrict freedom, undermine your sense of self, or give one person power and control over the other.
You may recognize:
- Monitoring your phone, location, messages, or social media
- Controlling money, transportation, work, clothing, or healthcare
- Isolating you from friends, family, or other supports
- Humiliating, threatening, intimidating, or repeatedly blaming you
- Pressuring or coercing you into sexual activity
- Using children, pets, immigration status, finances, or personal information to control you
- Destroying property, blocking exits, driving dangerously, or threatening physical harm
- Apologizing or promising change, followed by the same behaviour returning
- Continuing to monitor, threaten, harass, or contact you after separation
You do not need to experience physical violence, or identify your experience in a particular way, to seek support.
How Therapy Can Help
Therapy can offer a confidential, non-judgmental place to make sense of what has happened and how it continues to affect you. You do not need to have everything figured out, use a particular label, or be ready to leave or report the relationship before seeking support.
Depending on your needs, therapy may help you:
- Recognize patterns of abuse, coercion, and control
- Rebuild trust in your perceptions, choices, and instincts
- Understand trauma responses such as freezing, appeasing, or shutting down
- Develop grounding strategies for fear, anxiety, and overwhelm
- Process grief, anger, shame, betrayal, or conflicting feelings
- Explore boundaries and relationships at a pace that feels manageable
- Reconnect with your identity, values, relationships, and sources of support
- Navigate the emotional impact of separation or ongoing contact
- Develop an individualized safety plan and connect with community resources when needed
Therapy should support your choices, not pressure you to stay, leave, report, confront your partner, or take any particular course of action.
Frequently Asked Questions
You do not need to use a particular label before seeking support. A therapist can help you explore patterns in the relationship, how they affected you, and what you need now without deciding for you how the experience should be defined.
No. Therapy can support you whether you are staying, considering leaving, preparing to leave, have already left, or remain in contact because of children or other circumstances. Your therapist should respect your choices and work collaboratively with you around safety.
Seeking therapy does not generally require you to make a police report. Your therapist will explain confidentiality and its legal and ethical limits, including circumstances involving immediate safety concerns or the protection of a child.
Couples counselling may not be safe or appropriate when there is ongoing abuse, fear, or coercive control. It can place responsibility on both partners for behaviour that is not equally shared and may increase risk outside the session. Individual support and safety assessment are generally a better starting point.
Sexual pressure, coercion, or assault can occur within dating, common-law, or married relationships. You can receive support for both the relationship abuse and the sexual violence, and you do not need to separate the experiences neatly before beginning therapy.
Yes, but it is important to consider whether you have a private place to speak and whether your devices or accounts may be monitored. Your therapist can discuss safer ways to communicate and whether virtual or in-person appointments are the better option for your circumstances
Therapy is not an emergency service. If you are in immediate danger, call 911.
In the Saint John area, Hestia House provides confidential support, information, safety planning, referrals, and emergency shelter for women and their children affected by intimate partner violence.
- 24-hour distress line: 506-634-7570
- Text-only support: 506-566-6667
- Saint John Domestic Violence Outreach: 506-566-5960
- Kennebecasis Valley Outreach: 506-847-6277
Woodstock & Upper River Valley
Sanctuary House provides a 24-hour crisis line, safety planning, emergency shelter and outreach support.
- 24-hour toll-free crisis line: 1-866-377-3577
- General inquiries: 506-325-9452
From The Talking To Trauma Podcast
Listen to a conversation we had with Kelly from Domestic Violence Outreach to learn more about the supports and services available to those impacted by intimate partner violence.
Meet Some of Our Therapists Who Can Help
Taylor King, LTC-C
Counselling Therapist
Taylor’s professional experience includes work in a domestic-violence shelter and with people navigating trauma, substance use, and significant life changes. She understands that safety, relationships, and recovery can be complex and deeply connected.
Jean Sloan, LCT-C
Counselling Therapist
Jean offers a thoughtful space to explore patterns of control or abuse, reconnect with your own needs and values, and work toward greater confidence . Jean offers in-person counselling in Woodstock as well as virtual appointments across New Brunswick.
Anna Mattie, RSW
Registered Social Worker
Anna offers compassionate, trauma-informed support for clients navigating difficult relationship experiences, anxiety, self-doubt, and the effects of trauma. She works collaboratively with clients to rebuild confidence and move forward at a pace that feels manageable.
You Don't Have to Manage Intimate Partner Violence Alone
Finding the right therapist matters. Our Therapy Matching form can help connect you with a therapist who has experience relevant to what you’re looking for and whose approach feels like a good fit.