Last year, I was one of the panelists speaking about childhood sexual violence. As I was listening to the other professionals and audience members share their stories, I was reminded of the complexity of trauma.
While we often hear about the more commonly recognized trauma responses – fight, flight, and freeze – there is another response that is frequently overlooked or misunderstood: fawning. This is one of the most subtle trauma responses, yet it plays an impactful role in how someone copes and processes trauma.
Fawning is a trauma response where the person goes into people-pleasing or appeasing behaviours as a way to avoid threats and conflict. This can be a subconscious switch to minimize harm and prevent further escalation. This is a survival mechanism that comes out when it doesn’t feel safe to respond in other ways. It is commonly overlooked as it is not visible and can be perceived as compliance and kindness.
This trauma response can look like trying to keep the peace during dangerous situations. For example, saying “okay” instead of “no” to prevent confrontation and violence. This response can often lead to feelings of shame, guilt, and dissociation as their own feelings had been put aside to protect themselves in that moment.
Understanding fawning as a trauma response is critical in trauma-informed care. It’s important to validate that this is a common trauma response, and the person did what they needed to do to survive in that moment. If you’d like to explore this further in therapy, we have therapists who can help you. You can meet our team or learn more about how to find a therapist to meet your needs.
